Battlescars
by J the Drafter
Summary: Toph has left a suffocating household in order to find excitement and adventure alongside the Avatar and his friends. However, Toph's newfound freedom and chance at happiness come at a price. AU, darkfic. Reupload of "Object Lesson."


Disclaimer: I do not own "Avatar: The Last Airbender." "Avatar: The Last Airbender" is owned by its creators, Mike and Bryan.

Everything moves. Not all of those movements are visible to the eyes, or strong enough to reveal themselves to touch, but they can still be detected with the right methods. That was the secret behind the precision of Toph's earthsense. Even an immobile piece of wood quivered with microscopic vibrations. This everpresent movement was a convenient trait about objects, for Toph anyway. Thanks to her earthbending, Toph could sense vibrations resonating through the ground. Every vibration to hit Toph's feet was unique. Some were sharp and quick, others were soft and lingering. Any given object produced a countless number of these vibrations with a single motion, even if those motions didn't exist to normal senses. And the earth carried every one of these vibrations right to Toph's feet, giving her a detailed picture of the world.

So when Toph and her new friends walked through the gate of a small town to replenish their supplies, Toph saw the place from a different perspective than the others. She could feel people walking across the ground. She could feel the faint presence of wooden buildings standing on hard-packed dirt. Rock and metal, Toph's element and it's distant twin, were different. Toph didn't need to sense vibrations to know they were there. She could feel the stone and iron directly, blazing on Toph's senses the way the girl imagined torches did during darkness.

Toph scrunched her toes in the dirt, relishing the feel of solid ground beneath her feet. Appa was useful for getting to places quickly, Toph had to admit, but she would have preferred to be walking during her adventures, no matter how much slower that would have made things. It was more than just being completely blind without contact with the ground and having nothing around her to bend while flying. Toph felt destabilized and anchorless without solid earth to support her. Besides, there was something empty about adventuring when you weren't doing most of the actual work in order to get to places. Still, Toph was doing things and experiencing things, all without needing to hide her actions from her parents. It wasn't the same as the rush she got from fighting in the arena. Nothing on earth could match that. But this was still the most freedom the twelve-year old girl had ever had. The entire world seemed wide open to her now. She had no more restrictions on being who she was. It was worth all of the drawbacks—even riding Appa.

Toph dug her feet into the ground again and felt the vibrations her new friends created as they walked. Sokka, Katara and Aang were dressed in the shoes, shirts and pants of Earth Kingdom peasants (as well as the underwear and socks of same—earthsense was strong stuff). Katara was wearing an overlarge waterskin across her hip so that she had water close at hand for bending. Unlike the two Water Tribe siblings, Aang was wearing a hat to hide his arrow tattoo so that he could travel into town with no one knowing who he really was. Toph was keeping a low profile as well; instead of the green-and-brown fighting outfit the Earth Rumble costume designers had thought up and sewn for her, Toph was also wearing Earth Kingdom peasant clothing.

Sokka and Katara had separated from Toph, Aang and the flying lemur Momo, and were busy buying some dried travel food and extra leather in case Appa's saddle needed to be repaired. Toph turned her head towards Aang.

"So what do we do now?" she asked. The ground rumbled under Toph's feet as Aang turned and shrugged. Momo chittered and abruptly became visible on Aang's shoulder.

"How about some food?" Aang suggested.

Toph shrugged back. "I guess."

Aang told Katara he and Toph were going to get some lunch, and the two of them headed off.

Inside, the bar's wooden floor gave Toph no way to pick up vibrations. She blinked in the sudden absence of feeling and reluctantly took the hand Aang offered her. Toph prided herself on her independence, but she knew from experience how difficult it was to walk with no way of detecting what was in front of her.

Toph and Aang walked a short distance until stopping by what must have been the counter. Aang started to read Toph the menu, but Toph cut him off. She'd been in bars and inns by herself before, and she had an idea of what food items were universal.

"I'd like a chopped fish sandwich on plain rye bread and some mead, please."

Toph had ordered that meal countless times on the occasions she could sneak away from her parents and walk around the city by herself. Those places usually had such common products in stock. Toph heard Aang splutter when she ordered mead, and it took a little persuading this time to convince the bartender to let her have alcohol, as it frequently did. Still, Toph got her drink because money was money, and it was only mead, not a strong drink like wine or beer.

Toph insisted that she and Aang take their food to go (standing on the wood floor of the bar with no earth to "see" with was unsettling) so they sat on the ground right outside the bar while they ate. Katara and Sokka bought some food themselves and joined Aang and Toph for lunch. Momo was airborne again. Personally, Toph found the flying monkey a bit creepy. She had a strong aversion to things that weren't attached to the ground and were consequently invisible to her earthsense. She heard the lemur's wings as they flapped near her head and suppressed a shudder.

The food was good. Toph's fish sandwich had pickles and tartar sauce inside, and the mead was sweet. As they ate, the group talked about past adventures and current plans. Sokka, Katara and Aang regaled Toph with tales of Roku's Island, the city of Omashu, the all-female Kyoshi Warriors and Aunt Wu the Fortuneteller.

These people had so much freedom. They could go wherever they wanted, do what ever they felt like, with no adult or parent telling them not to. For someone who had needed to contrive and plan if she wanted to do something as simple as walk around the city by herself, hearing her new friends talk about their experiences was thrilling.

True, they had cautioned Toph before she joined that not everything they did and saw on their adventures was fun. Katara, sounding worried, had warned how terrifying it was when a Fire Nation spearman put his weapon to her throat and she knew she could die. Aang, his voice subdued, had told Toph what it was like to watch someone catch fire. Sokka had recounted the story of his first kill in a flat tone that had shocked Toph with its coldness.

Toph understood the concept of risk-taking, but joining this group gave her a chance to have control of her life and a chance to have fun. She'd never get to experience the things normal people did as long as she was locked up in the house of her overprotective family. Toph knew that her parents loved her, but they didn't understand that she needed freedom, even if enjoying that freedom meant taking some chances in the process.

Toph understood why the others were bothered by the thought that she might have to kill people, and she could actually sympathize with them to an extent, but she was still annoyed that Katara and Aang seemed determined to prevent her from ever getting a chance to fight. Everyone else had taken lives, and Toph had been in combat before, even if the point of Earth Rumble matches was simply to knock your opponents out of the ring, not kill them. If Sokka, Katara and _Aang _were okay with killing people then Toph was tough enough to do it too, even if the idea seemed faintly unsettling at times. Honestly, fighting somebody for real seemed pretty cool to Toph. Sure, the possibility of losing was a bit scary, and Toph felt a bit nervous when she thought about the moment when she'd finally end someone's life, but facing off in a real, no-holds barred battle, and playing for keeps? The thought made Toph's head spin in anticipation. It sounded so much more intense than anything she did in the Earth Rumble fighting ring, with its soft, wet soil and list of illegal moves.

Sokka was in the middle of talking about their adventure through the Great Divide when Toph felt a rumble roll through the ground. There were hundreds of people approaching the entrance of the town. They were armored, riding war-rhinos and carrying weapons. The soldiers held strangely shaped spears instead of the familiar glaives of the Earth Kingdom military.

"Oh no," Toph heard Katara's hushed voice next to her ear.

"It's the Fire Nation," Aang said in dismay. A rush of excitement and nervousness flooded through Toph. Were they going to fight?

"Come on, we have to go," Sokka ordered.

Toph felt Sokka jump to his feet. Toph, Katara and Aang quickly followed suit. Beside Toph's ear, Momo squeaked. Toph jumped. Stupid flying lemur.

Sokka gestured to a small path that cut between to buildings.

"This way."

Aang, Katara and Toph raced after the swiftly running Sokka while, in the distance, Fire Nation troops poured through the town's gate and down the streets. The road led Sokka, Aang, Katara and Toph past a row of buildings and onto another street, this one smaller than the main thoroughfare. Sokka and the rest of the group ran across the street, barging through irate people who didn't yet know that Fire Nation troops were inside the town.

A small, fat man almost collided with the racing Toph. She elbowed him out of the way and hurried after Sokka, Katara and Aang. They jogged across another back-road, barreled through an additional street, and made it to a third road before Sokka killed their pace to a quick walk. Toph slowed, grateful for the change in pace. She was in good shape, but her lungs had been starting to burn.

"Where are we going?" Toph asked as she and the rest of the group strode across the street.

"We're going to leave the city through the wall so that we can avoid the soldiers," Katara explained. "Can you break us out of here?"

"Without even trying."

Toph and the others reached the next road. They started to walk past the two houses guarding the way to the next street when the presence of metal flared in Toph's mind.

"Stop!" she called out. "There are soldiers on the next street."

Sokka, Katara and Aang halted immediately.

"Damn it," Sokka growled. "We'll wait for them to pass."

"We're going to have a lot of townspeople who will want to follow us out through the wall," Katara warned as she and everyone else pulled back across the road and behind a house. "Maybe we should help them."

"If we draw attention to ourselves the soldiers will find us. Then we'll probably need to fight our way out and we still won't be helping anyone," Sokka countered.

Katara seemed to think about those words for a couple moments. Finally she sighed. "You're right. Toph, tell us when we're clear."

Toph nodded. "They're almost near the road. Okay, the lead group just passed—huh? They stopped."

"What's happening?" Aang asked.

Toph listened to the ground. A couple of the armored men on war-rhinos were gesturing at some of the townspeople. Some of the townspeople, in turn, were crowding around the rhinos and waving their fists at the riders. Toph turned her attention back to her friends.

"There's a fight going on," she replied. Suddenly, there was a _whoosh_, and then a nearby house was burning. Toph winced at the resonance of heat and fire lapping on stone, as well as the feeling through her feet of burning wood. There was another _whoosh_, and a second house started to burn. Toph hastily looked back at the crowd of soldiers and citizens. The townsfolk were backing away from the soldiers now, while a couple men had dismounted from their rhinos and were pointing their fists menacingly in what Toph guessed to be firebending forms.

"_Now_ what's happening?" Katara demanded.

"There might—be trouble. Some of the firebenders are pointing their fists at people!" Toph told Katara, her heart racing with anxiety and anticipation. What would they do this time? Try to run for safety again, or attack the soldiers?

Katara reacted instantly, uncorking her waterskin and sprinting from the cover of the building towards the road that led to the street.

"Katara, wait!" Sokka shouted as he, Aang and Toph raced after her.

"No!" Katara snarled. There were soldiers just down the road. Katara made a swift, graceful gesture with one hand and pulled her water free, making it disappear from Toph's earthsense as it lost its connection with the ground. The soldiers turned towards Katara, the firebenders raising their fists, but Katara already had her arms in motion. She swept both hands at the men, and water hit the Fire Nation troops like a hammer, knocking them to the ground.

Toph winced as she saw ribs crack, though it was nothing strange to her. Toph had witnessed cracked ribs, broken pinkies, and similar injuries during her career as an Earth Rumble fighter, and once even had to be treated for a bruised collarbone. Luckily her parents had taken her excuse about her collarbone at face value, just as they did with her lies about her other occasional welts and minor injuries.

Aang raced from behind Toph to get an angle on the rest of the soldiers in the street, while Katara formed ice around the soldiers she'd knocked down. Toph turned to her right and dropped into a wide stance as heat blazed over the ground, but Aang whirled his arms and the fire vanished from Toph's sight. Toph focused on the earth, thrust her hands down and wrenched them upwards, pulling a broad, thick wedge of dry, hardened soil from the ground and giving her and Sokka a place to take cover. While Katara drew on water from some nearby troughs, Sokka sprinted from his place behind a house into the open street. He dove to the ground to avoid a fireball clambered behind Toph's makeshift fortification.

"Hot. Hot," Sokka shouted.

"Are you burned?" Toph asked in concern.

Sokka shook his head. "No. I'm fine." And suddenly he was all business, his pain forgotten. Toph understood. Pain had no place when you were busy fighting. She'd learned that lesson for herself in the ring.

A blast of fire rocked the barrier Toph had put up, jerking her back to the present. Toph felt the vibrations of the ground with her feet. Katara was waving her arms frantically and Aang was only staying in contact with the ground for moments at a time. Toph instinctively braced her feet and reached into the ground. She jabbed forward and forced protrusions of rock up out of the hard soil, then stepped back five feet to get some space. Toph then whipped her arms through an earthbending move—_this is it, I'm really about to kill people_—but her resolve cracked and she faltered. The earthbending attack fell apart, and the rocks hit the soldiers at half speed. It was enough to make some men stumble and trip a few more, but the barrage had too little force to inflict genuine injury. The aborted strike barely slowed down the Fire Nation soldiers, and Katara and Aang desperately fell back to Toph's hiding place. Sokka stared fiercely at Toph, who wilted. _I blew it_, she thought, staring at her hands. _I choked._

"Toph," Sokka's voice was as hard as iron. "Don't hold back. We need everything you've got."

Toph stared blankly at Sokka, barely aware of Aang and Katara's presence.

_Why couldn't I _do_ it? I had a perfect shot, and I couldn't go through with it, _Toph berated herself.

Katara poked her head from behind the stone tooth, then slid out the rest of the way, swinging her arms in an arc as she did. Like before, men went flying like leaves blown off the ground, but this time Toph didn't feel any ribs crack. Instead, they snapped like twigs. Aang stepped out from behind the rock next. He whirled his hands and wrenched them up, throwing a bunch of soldiers into the sky. It took a few seconds for the soldiers to come back down, and Toph jolted as bones splintered and organs burst upon impact with the ground. A fireblast hit Toph's blockade, and then two more followed. Toph winced as she felt her barrier start to crack.

"Pull back!" she shouted. "My shield's starting to break."

Aang, Katara and Sokka retreated. Toph walked backwards as well, moving her arms as she prepared to earthbend a new barricade. Once she had space she flicked her hands, brought them down, and pulled them up to drag a new wall of rock into place. This was one square, five feet wide and six feet thick. Katara, panting, rotated her hands, obviously holding her water. Aang gasped as he stood in what must have been an airbending stance. More fire scorched Toph's wall, but only for a moment. The soldiers jogged forward, presumably intending to bypass the wall.

"They're coming toward us!" Aang warned.

"Toph," Sokka whispered harshly. "Enough defense. When those soldiers reach us, do everything in your power to take them down. We need you to fight."

Then the soldiers reached the wall. Katara launched water and Aang channeled air. Sokka had a club out and he cracked the head of a soldier. Toph froze for a moment as two spearmen rounded on her, but then she lifted her hands and pulled up two thick slabs of stone to block their spear-thrusts. The rock slowed the men for a moment, but they dove through the gap between Toph's barricades, momentarily tripping over each other. Toph backed away as the men bypassed her defense, and, desperate to defend herself, turned her palms upward and pulled another wall of earth out of the ground.

Another man came out of nowhere and would have slashed Toph's head if she hadn't ducked. Toph reflexively punched her hand down and opened a hole under one of the soldier's feet. The man wind-milled, and Toph stared at her defenseless opponent for a moment, willing herself to strike, before backing away instead. There was a clang of metal on metal a foot from Toph's ear and she whipped her head to her left.

Sokka had deflected a spear-thrust away from Toph's head and was now fighting Toph's would-be killer with a machete. Toph watched as Sokka forced the soldier's weapon down and tried to move in against his opponent. The soldier parried Sokka's thrust, lunged forward, and yanked one of the boy's feet out from under him with his heel. Sokka fell to the ground and as Toph watched, the soldier angled his spear to punch through Sokka's belly. Toph didn't think; she whipped her hands and kicked sideways at the ground with a foot, and wrenched a thick slab of rock into the soldier's body. The dry, heavy soil broke the soldier's shoulder as it knocked him to the ground, but the man was still moving. Toph, desperate to stop him, grabbed the stone slab covering the soldier with earthbending and sent it into the air, and then wrenched the massive rock down on top of the man, crushing him like a grape. The man died instantly.

Toph's stomach lurched as she saw bones turn to shards and organs become mush—_I killed him I killed him I did it I killed him_—but there was no time to slow down. As Sokka got to his feet, a firebender stepped forward and punched a stream of flame in Toph's direction. With a quick gesture, Toph yanked a boulder up from the ground to block the attack, and then pushed the rock at her opponent with all her strength. The large stone shattered the firebender's ribcage and squashed his heart and lungs. The man fell backwards like a cloth doll, the massive rock still embedded in his chest.

More firebenders, a pair this time, kicked out tongues of flame at Toph. Toph flinched but automatically moved to block the attack, then moved fluidly into an attacking motion and ripped the ground apart beneath the two enemies. The ground exploded like an overheated pot and the firebenders' legs broke from the impact. The two men screamed. Toph flinched at the sound. She hesitated for a moment, and then swept some rocks up from the earth and hammered the disabled soldiers. Bones crunched and organs popped, and Toph could feel that they were bleeding beneath their skin. The screaming stopped. _Euuugh._ Gorge rose to Toph's throat. _They look like chewed up hyena-dog toys._

Fire lit up the ground and missed Toph by three feet. Toph spun to face the new threat, knifing one hand forward and stomping against the ground to add force to her attack. Rock walls sprang up on either side of the firebender and engulfed him. "No, _please!_" The earth carried the man's screams as the stone mashed his bones into powder and his organs into pulp. Toph fought back the urge to vomit through sheer force of will. _Why did I get involved in this?_ she wondered.

Another spearman stepped forward out of nowhere and jabbed at Toph's belly, making her heart jolt. Toph hastily swallowed her bile and her fear and knocked the thrust away with a shower of dirt, but the blade—_Ah! That hurt!_—glanced across her chest and nicked her shoulder. The spearman pulled his weapon back for another strike, but Toph dumped the man in a knee-high hole by stepping forward and slashing downward and outward with her hands. Toph brought her hands together and the ground closed on the soldier's legs, trapping him. The man yelled in pain, but nothing was broken. Toph tugged her hands back and jolted the hole that held the soldier's leg's captive. The man to fell on his back, losing his grip on his spear in the process. Toph started to try bending some stone shackles over the man's wrists, but realized she was wasting precious time. She cast about for an alternative, than squeezed the ground holding her captive's legs until they broke. The man screamed in pain. Toph looked for another opponent and just barely brought up a wall of rock in time to interdict a gout of fire. The heat was so intense Toph could feel it even from behind her shield. Through her earthsense she watched as three firebenders projected flame while they and the remaining spearmen swiftly retreated.

"They're running away! Should we go after them?"

"No," Katara ordered, feeling and sounding haggard.

"Oh. Okay," Toph sighed in relief, feeling worn out herself.

"We need to get to Appa," Aang added, sounding spent.

"Is everyone okay?" Sokka asked.

Katara looked at her arm. "Burn wound," she muttered, before bending some water to cover her hand. She brought the hand over to a spot right below her left shoulder and concentrated, though when she finished Toph couldn't see anything different about the arm than before. Katara pulled her hand away after a few moments and asked, "Does anyone else need healing?"

Aang shook his head, but Sokka pointed to an ugly gash on his thigh, and Toph showed Katara where she'd been slashed across the ribs and shoulder. Katara turned towards Toph first, but changed her mind and brought her hands over to Sokka's wound. Once the injury to Sokka's thigh was closed, Katara put her hands on Toph's injuries and concentrated her energy. The spots Katara was healing tingled, making Toph flinch in surprise. Once Katara was done, she replenished her waterskin.

"Let's leave," Sokka said, walking towards the road. Toph started to follow him but tugged at his sleeve instead.

"I trapped one of the soldiers in the ground. His legs are crushed. I don't want to kill him—" Toph's stomach churned—"so what should we do with him?"

"I'll handle it," Sokka replied grimly.

"We could use earthbending to take him back with us. I could heal him," Katara suggested. Sokka turned to give a look of mixed incredulity and frustration.

"_You want us to nurse a Fire Nation soldier back to health while we travel?_ Katara, of all the boneheaded things you've proposed, that has got to be the stupidest."

"We can't just leave him there!" Katara replied hotly.

"Katara, even if that soldier doesn't try to either sabotage our progress or hurt us as soon as he's healthy enough, how are we supposed to take care of him?" Sokka held up a hand and began ticking points off with his fingers. "We'd need to babysit him, we'd need to set him up inside a tent every night, we'd have to protect him if he's attacked, we'd need a place to leave him if we walk on foot for any length of time, and we'd need to leave him far away from any village we visited." Sokka held up five fingers where Katara could see them clearly. "And," Sokka continued, "There might be other things I overlooked."

"Okay," Katara held her hands up in surrender.

"And when he's fully healed? Do we drop him off near a Fire Nation outpost so he can join up with the army again?" Sokka raised one more finger, and then let both hands drop.

"I said, 'okay'," Katara replied testily.

Sokka was silent.

"Just, go do what you were going to do," Katara said, sounding defeated.

Sokka walked off.

"Where's he going?" Toph asked Katara.

"Toph," Aang said suddenly, "I want you to focus all your attention to me until I tell you to stop."

"Sokka's going to kill that soldier so he isn't lying on his back with broken legs until the people in town find him," Katara explained somberly.

"Oh," was all Toph could reply.

Aang started. "Katara, why did you tell her?"

"She needs to know, Aang. It's a part of our life."

Aang fell silent.

Toph hung her head. She'd known that her friends fought and killed. To be honest, that had sounded neat, if a little intimidating. She'd been waiting for her first battle with impatience and glee (and, alright, maybe a little apprehension), but it had felt different than she had expected. It was supposed to mostly be like an Earth Rumble fight, only better, because she was allowed to use real stone and aim for the head, and she didn't need to worry about how high she punted her opponent. Fighting for real—killing people—wasn't supposed to make Toph's stomach clench like she'd drunk a glass of spoiled fruit juice. Especially not since she'd killed Fire Nation soldiers. Toph knew they were bad people. She shouldn't feel this miserable about what she had done.

Sokka returned shortly, grimfaced. Toph felt the need to say something to Sokka, but she didn't know what. Aang started walking over to the houses, and Katara, Sokka and Toph followed. There was a grassy path instead of a road this time, but it didn't slow their progress much. They swiftly made it to the back of the houses, and then over to the wall. Without being asked, Toph settled into a stance, flicked both hands twice to cut a piece of the wall free, and thrust forward to push aside the section she'd isolated, leaving a wide exit. The group swiftly walked through the gap, and Toph quickly repaired the damage. Once that was done, Aang took out a bison-shaped whistle. He blew it, but no sound came out.

"What's that?" Toph asked, grateful for something to distract her.

"A bison whistle. It makes a special sound that Sky Bisons can hear," Katara explained. "Aang's calling Appa."

"That's helpful," Toph commented. "How long does it take Appa to come?"

"It should only be about a minute, Toph," Aang told her.

True to Aang's word, Appa arrived shortly. Toph reluctantly grabbed onto the Flying Bison's fur and climbed off the ground and into the giant saddle on the bison's back. Without any contact with earth, Toph was blind, but she was able to hear Sokka and Katara climbing aboard the giant animal that served as their transport and taking seats near Toph, while Aang lightly jumped up to his spot at Appa's reins. With a practiced "Yip yip!" from Aang, the Flying Bison leapt into the sky and took off. Toph swallowed as she felt some familiar queasiness in her stomach. That was another reason she didn't like flying on Appa. Maybe it was an earthbender thing, but Toph always got somewhat airsick while flying. Katara had promised that they would buy some tea for soothing stomach troubles, but meanwhile Toph was just trying to bear with it.

Truth be told, Toph's stomachache was actually a bit welcome this time. It managed to keep her thoughts away from the battle, at least at first.

"Sokka," Katara's voice broke Toph out of her thoughts. "Are you mad that I started that fight with those soldiers?"

Sokka was quiet for a bit, and Toph found herself missing her earthsense all over again.

"You didn't even wait for Toph to take a headcount of how many troops there were. At least then we would have known what we were getting into."

More silence. Then, "Yeah. You're right. I'm sorry. But I can't just ignore people in trouble."

"I don't want to tell you not to care, Katara. It's wonderful that you want to look out for people. But you forget to be practical sometimes, and that's dangerous."

"I hate being practical. People get hurt when we act practical. I'm sick of it."

Sokka didn't say anything for a while. Finally, he responded. "I know, believe me Katara, I know. I hate making those choices too. But I do it because they need to be made. Being practical sucks, but not liking it doesn't make being pragmatic any less necessary."

"I hate those decisions," Katara said vehemently. "I hate letting people get hurt. I don't want to become the kind of person who only does the pragmatic thing. I want there to be a place for stupid, hopeful, idealistic decisions too."

"Even if there isn't one?"

Katara didn't respond.

Toph listened, hopeful that the conversation between the two siblings would continue, but they seemed to be finished talking. With nothing to distract her, Toph's mind wandered back to the battle. She thought guiltily about the soldier she'd left alive, and that Sokka had mercy-killed. Toph hadn't meant to be cruel. Faced with the choice of killing him or holding him prisoner, she'd wanted to do the kind thing. Toph had never intended to leave someone, even an enemy, afraid and in pain only to be killed in the end anyway. She hadn't meant to, but Toph had done such a horrible thing to that soldier. Toph had never wanted to cause that kind of suffering.

Thinking about the soldier she'd spared during the fight brought back more memories of the battle. The whole thing had been much more brutal and gory than Toph had expected. She had known that people waved swords and spears, shot arrows, and threw around boulders, fireballs, tidal waves and cyclones in real fights, but Toph had never once stopped to wonder what it would look like when one of those deadly attacks hit a living person. She thought of the soldiers she'd smashed like used toys, and shuddered. _Why would anyone want a job where someone could kill you at any second?_ Toph wondered. _Those guys were crazy. I don't understand why anyone would do that to themselves._ She spent the rest of the flight thinking about the people she'd killed.

The maps Sokka carried had the locations of several camping spots; the group travelled for about three or four hours before setting down in a clearing with some running water nearby. Toph started climbing down as soon as Appa touched the ground. Once Toph had her feet back on the earth she rubbed her feet against the dry dirt, savoring the feel of dust on her skin.

Toph only got half a minute of relaxing in before Katara and Sokka called her over so they could assign camp-setting tasks. Toph had been surprised and disappointed to learn that adventuring didn't prevent her from getting chores, but everyone had jobs to do and it was the price she was expected to pay if she wanted to be part of the group. Katara had made that clear, and Sokka and Aang had backed her up.

Sokka and Aang were charged with unpacking and setting up the tents, Katara was given the job of cutting firewood, and Toph was told to refill everyone's waterskins. Sokka and Aang got to work untying the tents from Appa's saddle while Katara and Toph walked over to the river. Momo, evidently, had already left to gather fruit for the group.

Toph watched the boys for a second before she turned to go with Katara. Everyone seemed so blissful. Aang was working with his typical enthusiasm and Sokka seemed just as cheerful as ever. Toph turned her earthsense in Katara's direction as they walked together. The other girl appeared perfectly calm and focused on collecting some firewood. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the battle and the dead soldiers—_bodies broken, organs squished, men shrieking in agony_—besides Toph.

Katara and Toph made their way over to the river a short distance from the campsite. Not including the container that held Katara's bending water, everyone in the group had three waterskins each; with Toph included that came to a total of twelve. Toph was carrying the skins in her pack. The light, flexible tigerseal bladders were easy to carry while empty, and Toph could just use earthbending if the skins were too heavy for her to carry after they had been filled. Katara was wearing a pack to put the wood in, but she hadn't brought the ax along. She didn't need it.

Toph and Katara reached the river. Toph took off her pack and reached for a water skin, while Katara looked for a tree with good branches for building a campfire. Toph leaned down over the river and started filling a skin when a sharp _whap _sounded in the air. Toph reflexively dropped the waterskin and spun to face the noise, forcing a large cube of soil and rock to explode from the ground in order to shield herself.

"Toph, it's me!" Katara cried out.

"Katara?" Toph dropped the sizable chunk of earth back into the hole she'd bent it out of, her heart thundering.

"I was just cutting some wood. There's nothing to be afraid of." Katara moved her hands in a waterbending stance. Toph turned in the direction that Katara was waterbending at and felt the vibrations of the dropped waterskin caught between Katara's power and the river. Toph flushed as Katara pulled the skin out and left it at Toph's feet. Concern was evident on Katara's face. "Toph, are you okay?"

Toph tried to stand taller. "I feel perfect. I need to get back to work." With that, Toph snatched the waterskin from the ground and turned to the river.

Toph crouched down, concentrating on filling her waterskin. _Whap_. Water sliced across wood with enough speed to cut right through the material. _Whap_. It was amazing what Katara's element could do under enough pressure. _Whap_. Water was so yielding when it was sitting still that one would never think that sufficient force could allow it to—_rupture organs and turn bone to fragments_—take the place of a woodcutter's ax. _Whap_. _Crack._ Startled, Toph spun around and nearly tore Katara to ribbons in a rain of broad, foot-long stone teeth.

"Ah!" Katara's hands moved in a defensive gesture. Toph felt the ground near Katara with her earthsense. There was a massive branch near Katara's feet; the girl had knocked it free in the course of her woodcutting. Toph let her rocky, dirt-covered projectiles fall to the ground, feeling mortified.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Toph said frantically.

"Uh, it's alright, Toph," Katara replied a bit unsteadily. "Are you sure you don't want to talk?"

Toph paused. Memories of the battle and the killing still played in her mind. Maybe talking with someone would make her feel less wound up. She froze for a moment, torn between accepting Katara's offer and her own reticence at sharing her feelings.

"No thanks," Toph decided, turning back towards the river and trying to sound nonchalant. "I'm good."

Katara seemed to struggle to find a reply and Toph took advantage of her distraction to settle in by the stream and continue filling her waterskin.

"I know how scary it is when people are trying to kill you," Katara said.

"I wasn't scared at all," Toph replied frostily, hoping the other girl would take the hint.

"You don't have to pretend you're okay. It's not surprising that you're a bit jumpy after your first fight."

"I said," Toph reiterated through clenched teeth, "I'm fine."

"It's okay to be afraid. Spirits, it's _healthy_ to be scared when your life is in danger. The important thing is to keep functioning despite that fear. You already kept your composure in your first fight much better than I did."

Toph concentrated very hard on filling up her waterskin.

"You also aren't the only person to feel bothered after the first time you killed someone."

Toph paled. The waterskin slipped through suddenly nerveless fingers as she turned in her crouch to face Katara. The other girl was silent, as though unsure of what to say next. After a moment, Toph answered her.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Katara was quiet a second longer, and then she replied.

"Then I won't force you to. Even though…if you're willing, talking can help. I know how you feel. Me, Sokka and Aang have all gone through the same thing. If you change your mind, I'll listen."

Still in her crouch, Toph clenched her fists, inadvertently making the ground shake somewhat.

"I didn't realize how hard it would be," she finally said.

Katara walked over to Toph and knelt down.

Toph continued. "I thought that if I decided to kill, I'd be able to just do it. I never expected to struggle." She paused for a few seconds, unsure what to say next, before continuing. "And I never thought I'd be this uncomfortable after I killed people."

Katara put a hand on Toph's shoulder. "Killing is tough when you first start out." Guilt and sadness colored her voice and filled her face.

"What about you? Does killing people bother you?" Toph asked.

"Not really," Katara answered, seemingly oblivious to how casual she sounded. "I'm used to it, and the people we fight really don't deserve sympathy. If they win, everyone in the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes will suffer." Her voice hardened. "And I won't let anything happen to my friends. That's reason enough for me to not feel bad about what I do."

"What about that soldier you wanted to save? The one whose legs I broke?"

Katara closed her eyes, her hand still on Toph's shoulder. "It's—complicated." She didn't say anything else for several moments. Toph waited for Katara to speak.

"I don't want anyone to suffer," Katara said finally. "Even if that person is an enemy."

"Even though Sokka told you how stupid it was?" Toph asked.

"He was right about that," Katara admitted. "But I'll never feel okay about not helping someone in pain."

Toph had no reply. Katara stayed where she was for few more moments, still holding Toph's shoulder, before pulling her hand away and beginning to stand up.

"Wait!" Toph cried. Katara paused, then awkwardly knelt back down.

Toph floundered, embarrassed. "I just—" she paused. "I just never thought about what it would look like if I ever hit someone hard enough to kill. I never realized what it would _feel_ like." The visions that rose to Toph's mind were familiar by now; broken bodies and pain-filled voices. "It's really bothering me."

"I know," Katara said. "Just give it time. Killing is something that you need to get used to."

"I don't feel like that will ever happen," Toph replied. Memories of shattered ribs and burst organs danced in front of her eyes. Toph bowed her head under the weight of the images. "I don't feel like I'll ever get used to doing that to people. I don't ever want to kill again."

Katara pulled her closer. "Toph," Katara said, her voice breaking. "Oh, Toph. I'm so sorry."

Toph thought about throwing that massive piece of rock down on top of the soldier who'd threatened Sokka's life and how the soldier's entire skeleton had just collapsed under the crushing weight of the stone. Toph thought of the firebender she'd killed right after, the boulder she'd hurled into his body still stuck inside as the man fell backwards. She thought of the firebender who'd screamed as walls of earth buried him. Those were the most distinct moments, but other recollections crowded Toph's head too. Memories of the fight, and memories of all the death Toph had inflicted, swam in the young girl's mind. Bile rose to her throat and her eyes ached with unshed tears. "I'm—thank you," Toph managed, hugging Katara back with all her strength. Katara merely knelt silently as Toph clung to her desperately. Toph hiccupped as a sob escaped her throat.

"I'm here," Katara crooned. "I'm here, and I'm so so sorry you're going through this."

Her head buried in Katara's chest, Toph nodded, though even she didn't know whether it was in gratitude or agreement. Katara stroked her back, and Toph finally let herself cry.


End file.
